(first published Jan 2007)
I’ve been reading cottage blogs today since a post on 4Real mentioned Victoria magazine and linked to one of them (followed a linky rabbit trail, lol). I envy these blog writers who seem to have a “style” -I have NO style. No “me” …these people seem to have that. I also envy that their husbands don’t seem to mind that their house is decorated all frilly. I think my dh would mind, and our house is small so there is no place I can say, “this out of the way room is mine and I’m decorating it how I want.”
I read and LOVE books like My Great Aunt Arizona and Miss Rumphius. Those people seem to have *something*…a strong sense of self maybe. They DO something that is uniquely them. I want that! I don’t know how to do that. When I try, I wind up hating whatever it is I did because…I guess it isn’t really ME, it’s trying to hard or something.
I think sometimes I should start collecting something quirky like homemade aprons or something. Then, I get mad at God because I *want* to do something like that and He says we shouldn’t hoard stuff. Silly silly silly of me to even want it in the first place. Just how does one define oneself without stuff?? And where would I put 15 aprons anyway? Nowhere. Which gets me angry at our whole “small house” situation all over again, lol. It’s funny how I can blame almost everything on my house. 🙂
I had a thought today about the “renurturing oneself” quote below, where the book talked about raising children. Maybe God gave me four girls, all with aspects of my personality, so I can renurture myself through them. I don’t know if I know how to be nurturing though. Sad.