(first published Nov 2010)
Excellent post on attachment from Brenda at RAD Parenting.
I think it can be applied to many adoptees who don’t have awful attachments…I’ll show you why with a quote from her post:
Children with early relational trauma begin life with a basic failure of the care-giving system. As a result, they do not develop a secure attachment characterized by trust in the benevolence of the adults in their lives. Rather than basking in the knowledge that they are loved and protected by their parents, they are uncertain about or fearful of their parents. Benevolence is not assumed.
EVEN IF the adoptive parents are *great parents*, and the child knows nothing else because they were adopted so young, I think most adoptees *at some point* go “Heyyyyyyyyy, wait a minute…. my first mother gave me up, she was a “parent” and blood-tied no less, what in the world is going to stop these people raising me from doing the same? NOTHING.” There is no security. They SAY they won’t, but everyone knows that promises are easily broken. Add some conditional love on their part (and who isn’t guilty of that once in a while?) and we’re “sure” we can trust nothing, really.
For those of you also on 4 real, this is why I need God to just show me He loves me *in a way a normal human can understand.* Who can live without love you can TRUST? Not me.