(first published Mar 2011)
I’ve been thinking about dreams lately, mostly because for some reason I seem to be having a ton of them. I’ll go through periods of weeks or months where I don’t remember any dreams, but now every time I wake up at night (and it’s often with a creaky house and 5 kids) I realize I was dreaming again.
Dreams and I have a strange relationship. I can never in my 42 years remember having a dream I would call “good” or “happy.” They seem to fall into 3 basic categories:
1. Downright scary – now thankfully these are rare…dreams of evil spirits, things moving around by themselves in my room, etc.
2. Natural disasters – I’m often in a hotel, a big school, or somewhere similar racing for a way out because there is a tidal wave or tornado (or multiple tornadoes and tidal waves.)
3. Dreams where I’m trying to connect with people I once knew, getting them to like me, such as an old crush (of which there were many – unrequited, all) I never want anything romantic with those boys (I’m sure my dh is happy to hear that, lol)…I’m always just trying to be accepted and loved. Typically the dreams end with nothing resolved, but over the past few years I notice more of a “hey, wow, I never realized you’re a cool person!” vibe coming from the people in my dream. Not a lot, but just enough, and usually right before I wake up. It doesn’t really erase the rest of the dream where I was searching in earnest for these people, often in big buildings like a boarding school where I don’t know the layout and can’t get things to work right like the showers. My mind did throw a curve ball last night when instead of people from my past I dreamed about Bea Arthur and other actors/actresses. 🙂 Still, the showers didn’t work right and I kept trying to use them with my clothes on, lol!
I think it is interesting that 95% of my dreams, if not more, are about me searching. Looking for people, looking for a way out, looking for the answers of why things aren’t working or why someone doesn’t like me, always searching for something. I can feel the earnestness of it very strongly in my dreams.
Any other adoptees have weird dreams?