… but I don’t like it as my life.
(first published Aug 2011)
Imagine you are watching a TV drama based on a true story: a very young girl is abducted from her parents, forced to change her name, and pretend the abductors are her real parents. Really think about it. What else can she do? She’s a tiny thing, not able to care for herself in the big bad world. Picture the abductors saying, “You’re our child now. Don’t think about those others. WE love you. They said they did but they didn’t. WE are your parents and don’t you forget it! Be thankful we are taking care of you.” The abductors treat her well enough …but still…the pretending takes its toll. She’s not where she belongs and she always, always wonders….
Wouldn’t you have sympathy for the girl? Understand why she grew up angry at what had happened to her. For goodness sake, she was abducted and made to pretend that she was someone she was not, and then told to be thankful!! This is the stuff insanity is made of. Someone in a position of power using a child (or anyone, for that matter) for their own benefit, telling the child what she knew to be true was all a lie, and making her live the lie too. In the land of TV movies, wouldn’t you wonder why she wasn’t crazier than she is by the end?
Other than what I just described being a crime, how is this different from the whole closed adoption system so many of us grew up in, when seen through the eyes of the young child? Don’t be surprised when we are angry, don’t wonder when we are sensitive, or a little crazy. Don’t tell us to be thankful. (We can BE thankful, but don’t tell us to be. You have no idea.)
We have spent our whole lives wondering. We have spent our whole lives pretending to be something we KNEW we were not, and could not stop pretending, lest we die. We were just little things.