It’s hard to let it rest…

(and it is geneOlogy or geneAlogy)

(first published Oct 2010)

It’s often suggested to adoptees that they are older now (i.e. I’m over 40) and they should just “get over” the adoption already. Grow up!

Well first of all, we HAVE grown up – I’m in a good marriage, have 5 kids, homeschool them, am more responsible than many, many people I know.  And humble, right? 😉   I don’t go around whining all day about my adoption, I only do that here.  And occasionally to my saint of a husband.

But second of all, do you know how *often* the fact that I am adopted comes up in every day life?  Way more often then you would think.  It’s something that I am constantly reminded of, and usually not in a good way.

In just the last two weeks, we have had three doctors appointment with a fourth tomorrow.  I had to tell each doctor “No, I don’t know my cancer history, I’m adopted.”   “No, I don’t know why my daughter has XYZ, it’s not in my dh’s history, and I’m adopted.” (with the added knife-twist that it must be MY fault since it’s not on dh’s side).   I’m sure, even though it’s the same doctor as two of the other visits, it’s a new kid going for a physical and I’m going to have to go over it all again.

Then, I’m a google maniac – if there is a question on anything here — and there usually are a lot since we homeschool – I’m running to google.  But type in almost anything, and you wind up getting many links for genealogy sites.  For example today I was looking for the name of a local farm.  Got the link I wanted and most of the rest of the google page was links describing people with the same name – when they died, where they lived, who their kids were.  Any adoptee (closed adoption at least) knows these little family tree things, whether a project in second grade or a hit on google, are just little slaps in the face, over and over.

My kids bring it up occasionally – even to my parent’s face, much to my chagrin – “well, since Gram is not your blood relative, yada, yada, yada…”

Even just looking at my kids each day, and their myriad of health issues, and I wonder (and mourn over) just what the heck I must have passed on to them.  It sounds awful, but I do a little happy dance inside when I hear that something on dh’s side may have contributed to something. Yay! I’m not the only bad guy! The only freak!  LOL

Looking at their features…hey, where did those freckles come from?? What’s up with that? I’d love to know which of my blood relatives had the cute freckles they gave to my dear daughter.

So even if I *tried* to forget all about it, I have daily reminders.  Just FYI.


It's lovely to have you here. Please keep comments respectful of the adoptees who read here. "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."

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