(first published April 2009)
When he [the child] lacks a secure attachment he doubts whether or not he is lovable and whether or not he can love. It is from this anxiety that all his passions spring. Man needs to know first and foremost that he is loved for his littleness–his inadequecy–unconditionally. Only through his experience of this kind of unselfish love does he derive the confidence in his ability to love likewise. The securely attached child can rest assured that the purpose for which he was created is within his grasp, is in fact in his possession by virtue of the love he has received from his parents and ultimately from Christ.
This, in a nutshell, must describe why I don’t feel lovable, why I don’t believe I really have feelings of “love” for anyone (my dh excluded. Hard won, I might add). “It is from this anxiety that all his passions spring.” Can this be why I’m so darn ANGRY all the time, and overwhelmed? Why I’m always a defeated perfectionist? I need to learn more about this. You can read the rest of her post here.
(and I’m realizing ever so often now that I’ve got to work on my attachment with my kids – it’s good, but not good enough. I don’t want another generation of MEs out there…but this all begs the question, how do I love unconditionally when I don’t even feel I can love at all????)