I don’t think that word means what you think it means.

This is one reason why I don’t trust anyone on the internet who says adoption didn’t bother them, that they are “fine.”

(I know, I know, I shouldn’t trust anything on the internet, period. LOL)

On one public facebook page, the moderator asked something along the lines of “for those adopted through the closed system, how did that make you feel growing up, and now?”

One woman (let’s say, “J”) was the only woman who wrote about how it didn’t bother her at all, how she loved her family, always felt like theirs, was so sorry they were no longer alive. Wonderful – not my experience, but wonderful for her. She’s not the person I have an issue with.

Another woman, I’ll call her M., replied to J.’s post and said, “Glad I’m not the only one.”  Implying she had NO problem with her closed adoption.  Yet in that same thread, she states, and I’m somewhat paraphrasing for some anonymity on her part, “it’s complicated,” “I don’t let it define me” (which in my experience is always said to cover up some form of pain), “after finding my birth family I realized a lot of what I went through was from being adopted,” “I went to a counselor,” “I felt out of place for 20 years.”

I’m not writing this to call “M” out at all or embarrass, but to show that “fine” from someone doesn’t always mean “fine.”


It's lovely to have you here. Please keep comments respectful of the adoptees who read here. "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."

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