Or is that “over-read”?
Reason #49,857 I don’t believe adoptees at first when they say their adoption was in no way problematic for them.
” I would have NEVER contemplated adoption being traumatic……..I just thought I didn’t do it right.”
I know many adoptees that could say this. It’s so common in adoption and developmental trauma, and for children in general, to blame themselves for the difficult things going on in their lives. My own mother didn’t want me? I must have been a bad person.
Why would we blame adoption? That thing that saved us from some unknown fate? Especially with all of society (including often our adoptive parents) telling us how wonderful it all is? How beautiful?
But then adoptees come together. And talk. And the similarities are too much to ignore. We realize those things we thought we were just intrinsically awful at (e.g. feeling connected, worthy,etc) are actually the by product of relinquishment/adoption.
Adoptees have started calling it “coming out of the fog.”
To those of you reading who feel like adoption is great but you just didn’t do it right, it’s not you. And we’re here for you as you step out into the light.