A Win and a Loss

Today at the dinner table, the kids were asking, “What nationalities are we exactly?” …and I was able to tell them! Well, not “exactly” what they are, but regionally: 41% Great Britain, 23% Scandinavian (which I know from my mother is mostly Norwegian), 15% Irish, 11% East European, and 5% West European. That’s me, so my kids are half those percentages. Thank you Ancestry DNA.

Baby Girl B  1,  Adoption Trauma  0


I’ve mentioned that I think I know who my father is, but that I haven’t contacted this person. A few months ago, I found a short interview of him on YouTube for his business. It was a poor quality video, and he wasn’t even very clear, but it was better than nothing. I’ve never found anything else like that, not even pictures anywhere. Well, I went to look at it again, and it’s gone. They’ve deleted it.

It’s all I had of him.

Baby Girl B  0 ,  Adoption Trauma  1 


2 thoughts on “A Win and a Loss

  1. I think I might have an idea of how you feel. I found my birth mother but she sent me a letter from a lawyer threatening me to stay away from her. I had also found some pictures of her on Facebook, and it was like an out of body experience for me seeing someone after 45 years who actually looked like me. What really got me was her hands – exactly like mine. After she threatened me with legal action, she took her FB page down. Luckily I saved the pictures on my computer. It’s all I have. The other really difficult thing that I deal with is that she has two children who are not much younger than me (early 40s) who are my half siblings, and they do not know I exist. I look at the same pictures of them all the time on Facebook, hoping they might post more. My half sister looks a lot like me, and it is hard. Both of my siblings are smart and well educated and seem like normal people. I would love to reach out to them and finally come face to face with someone on this earth who is biologically connected to me, but I am so afraid of being rejected and hurt again that I can’t bring myself. So I just look at the pictures. Not sure how I will deal with having this information as my biological children get older. Not sure if I should tell them. It’s so painful and I feel very alone. Thanks for writing your blog. Makes me feel less alone.


    • I’m so sorry your birth mother did that to you. I can understand how hard it must be seeing the siblings, too. 😦 I’m sure I’d be checking my siblings facebook pages like that if I knew I had any.


It's lovely to have you here. Please keep comments respectful of the adoptees who read here. "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."

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