Rules for children

I don’t have an opinion one way or the other about Dr. Phil, because I don’t watch him, but a friend shared this photo on her Facebook page, and it immediately reminded me of adoption:

Adoption burdens children with things they can’t understand (“adult topics”) and can’t control.

The myriad of reasons behind any particular adoption is a very adult topic.

There’s head knowledge: “My mom could not take care of me. She gave me to someone who can. I can understand that.”

But then there’s heart knowledge…and all the questions. I *don’t* understand why no one else in my family could have taken me in, why I had to pretend I was the child of my adoptive parents, why my name was changed and my records falsified, why I had to live a lie all my life, why my mother couldn’t have just parented me anyway because damn– I’ve done a million “impossible” things for my kids…because they are worth it and they are my children. What my head gets and my heart believes, are two different things — even now in my 40’s, even now that I know my mother and her situation, and love her and know she did her best.

Since we know adoption isn’t going away any time soon, how do we help children through these two things: not having any control of a terrifying situation (being given away by your parents) and being burdened by such an “adult topic”. Heck, how do we help adult adoptees through it, because I’m still dealing with the fallout.

Something for me to think about!


It's lovely to have you here. Please keep comments respectful of the adoptees who read here. "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."

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