The Angry Adoptee

From the Lost Daughters prompts for National Adoption Month:

Sometimes when adoptees speak truthfully about their adoption experience, they are called “angry adoptees” and their opinions are dismissed as being invalid.
If you have ever been labelled an “angry adoptee,” talk about why it’s okay to feel anger about some things that happen in adoption, how anger can be useful in adoption discourse, and why expression of anger or dissatisfaction with aspects of adoption should not result in being dismissed. Do you think it’s possible that an adoptee might get stuck in the anger, and if so, how can this be avoided?
If you’ve never been the “angry adoptee” or if you yourself wonder why some adoptees are so angry, talk about what you perceive as the differences between your view of adoption vs. the viewpoint of an “angry” adoptee. Do you think anger about certain aspects of adoption is ever warranted? Why or why not?

On the surface, I don’t appear to be the Angry Adoptee.  But whoa boy, am I!  I tend to be the kind of person that gets angry over injustice, and the current practices of adoption clearly fit that bill in my mind.

I think most people use that “Angry Adoptee” term to be dismissive. They don’t *know* what it’s like to be adopted, and on the whole it looks to the average person to be a good thing. To them, I could see how our anger looks like it’s coming out of left field.  Or that they just want things to stay the way they are, because it serves them (at the expense of the adoptee).

But it’s truly a righteous anger.  It’s an anger meant to right the wrongs of society, to restore or develop a better way of doing things.I think anger is a motivating force behind getting things to change, getting at least some people to listen.

I think it’s very unfortunate that people’s thoughts are dismissed simply because they are being perceived as being angry. Truth does not cease to be truth just because someone is being emphatic about it.

I do believe it’s possible to get “stuck” in anger.  When I have seen that, however, it was because the person needed to be heard.  They had too many people in their lives telling them their feelings weren’t valid. I think people’s emotions need to be validated before they can move on.  So many adoptees have a lifetime of being dismissed and treated like an object to make up for.  No one, especially an adoptee, should have to pull themselves up alone.


It's lovely to have you here. Please keep comments respectful of the adoptees who read here. "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."

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